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| To procrastinate is always, regrettably, one of my strengths That's what I am enjoying, or suffering now.
Anxiety is one of the major causes which leads to procrastination; such an unpleasant feeling would definitely affect the working motivation of people; the confidence and effectiveness would be shattered, which results in failure and guilt.
And there is one more important factor which make me procrastinate, it is being over-confident; even though I know how poor I could be, I still believe I can turn the situation around by myself at the very last moment. It maybe true for some people who successfullyseize the opportunities themselves. But obviously not a person like me who lacks
preparation all the time.
Even though you know what you are doing is wrong, even though you know you can avoid it at the beginning; you still got owned by the dark side of yourself, that explains the weakest part of humanity, which also explains why unnecessary pain occurs again and again, until the day you die.
"... Don't waste your time,Or time will waste you..." Procrastination is one of the most vicious circle in life, since it make a people lost his motivation and ambition to work. For other cases, you would lost the chance to share your life with someone that you want to.
At the end of the day, I still fail to understand how you feel towards me; perhaps it would be better for the answer to be hidden, since it creates a place for me to imagine... though it is an irresponsible though.
Nothing would be interesting anymore if it has to be completely obvious, right?
It's the time to finish the unfinished the business... | | |
| Recently, there were so many things for me to concern about, both internal and external, as both of these problems had affect my personal development and the external atmosphere, which were my own weaknesses and contradictions, about Hong Kong and China, which made me sick.
About myself, mainly because everything was on my own in a large extent, as I studied and lived on my own, there always some tasks needed to be done; me, to be honest, have always been dissatisfied with my own performance, also frightened my abilities could not meet the demand of the cruel and competitive world, also the lacking of preparation, concentration and perseverance about academic, so the result was not as good as assumed, which would only caused a vicious cycle as you would scared about the workload or even lost the motivation to work
The dissatisfaction of myself would inevitably lead to lack of self confidence, which somehow affect my social intercourse with others, I usually found difficulties to express myself in front of others, and it was because the fear of being ignored by them;part of the reason could be the unfamiliar atmosphere I had now, but the lack of confidence would obviously play a more vital role in this problem, one of the perfect example was generally understood by some of my friends at school, in which I acted like an idiot in front of someone I thought special.
Furthermore, it was more about the complexity of human nature, as I knew that throwing abstract expectations to somebody you didn't understand would absolutely ridiculous, it was also absurd that contort yourself to be fitted into a particular group of people, such kind of thoughts had really influenced me; however, as a part of human nature, people could not cut all the interactions and communications with others, also being avoided by others did not sound great at all; such contradictions had made my situation far more worse than ever, after I have realized myself more clearly then ever.
After that I would talk about my concerns toward Hong Kong, the place I was used to live,as the future there could somehow affect the future of myself; personally, I could not see the future of Hong Kong in a clear way, as there were so many unfavorable factors, Hong Kong had been depended too much on financial industry with its own characteristics(or limitations), and other types of business were not encouraged at all, which was all because the foolish governments and the corporations which monopolized almost everything in Hong Kong; under their destruction, Hong Kong had lost it competitiveness and characteristics significantly, like the unique buildings were removed and became the shopping malls in everywhere, the failure of educational system had also created a lot of nerds who only knew studying and nothing else, and the ignorant kids which understood nothing at all.
China was another, probably the most influential factor for the development of Hong Kong, which inevitably raise my awareness more than ever; Obviously China had become much more powerful than ever, but only economically, not for the human rights, as the party didn't respect the human rights at all, they had eventually arrested the editor who investigated the poor infrastructure in Sichuan earthquake, they have also arrested the representative of casualties, with the lame excuse of disrupting social order, what they have done had no difference what happened 20-40 years ago. and I have concerned most was that Hong Kong would eventually became the same, which seems to be inevitable with the pricks in government and the "who-fkin-cares" citizens, which have never realized that what they have enjoyed now was precious and fragile.
Perhaps one of my weaknesses was thinking and concern so much about unnecessary issues, it was because my failure of 2008 had forced me to concern more deeply and broadly, mistakes were allowed, but repeating them was not. I must know to assume the situation and outcome calmly in order to be survived in the world. and also it was a bad faith for denying what you have chose, which was totally irresponsible and unacceptable for me.
To Someone around, saw you in the end tonight, wish you all the best with my deepest sincerity, as I didn't think that I would have time to see you again later, even I do, I could not stand in front of you t all, you were too great for me to do such thing, or even more. | | |
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| This week was the second last week of my school,however it was not peaceful due the strike of OC Transpo.
The strike was started on Wednesday,it caused a big traffic problem for these who lived far away from school;with the blizzard on that day,the attendance rate of that day shall below 30%;fortunately the weather was way better on Thursday and Friday,more people went to school.
Well I had two food labs this week,the first one was a tofu roll,another one was a banana muffin filled with chocolate chips,both of them were really delicious, thanks the group mates who worked with me,especially Cameron Hanes,who was a muffin expert.
There were some remaining projects/assignments in other three subjects,like the literary stuff in ESL,the final outline of History Summative,and the pricing project in Business,it was expected that I would get rid of all of them before the end of the school in 2008,I expected that I could do them well.
In the other hand,there was a Rock Band gameplay at the auditorium on Thursday,which was really impressive,despite the fact that I didn't know how to play this kind of musical game.
Generally optimistic about myself,I was pleased as I knew what I was looking for,and I knew that how to minimize all my mistakes,how I could control myself entirely.
Discussed with friends were really interesting,through this process,you could understand myself and others more,and it was really good to expressed myself to some buddies,with some unsolvable obstacles.
There was only one person and one problem who made me wondered and doubted myself.
Life is a struggle if you want to do serious things.
Happy Birthday to My father,who had it yesterday.
P.S. Watched the game between Barcelona and Real Madrid,well the defenders of Real Madrid played what they supposed to have,so it was really hard for Barcelona to attack so effectively,luckily it was good to see that the midfielders of Barcelona could control the field,and the stability of defenders were worthy to appreciate.
Iker was spectacular,especially saving the Penalty Kick of Samuel;luckily he scored the first goal afterwards;also Lionel scored wisely in the end,Thanks all of you for providing me one of the greatest match I have ever seen
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