| | Recently, there were so many things for me to concern about, both internal and external, as both of these problems had affect my personal development and the external atmosphere, which were my own weaknesses and contradictions, about Hong Kong and China, which made me sick.
About myself, mainly because everything was on my own in a large extent, as I studied and lived on my own, there always some tasks needed to be done; me, to be honest, have always been dissatisfied with my own performance, also frightened my abilities could not meet the demand of the cruel and competitive world, also the lacking of preparation, concentration and perseverance about academic, so the result was not as good as assumed, which would only caused a vicious cycle as you would scared about the workload or even lost the motivation to work
The dissatisfaction of myself would inevitably lead to lack of self confidence, which somehow affect my social intercourse with others, I usually found difficulties to express myself in front of others, and it was because the fear of being ignored by them;part of the reason could be the unfamiliar atmosphere I had now, but the lack of confidence would obviously play a more vital role in this problem, one of the perfect example was generally understood by some of my friends at school, in which I acted like an idiot in front of someone I thought special.
Furthermore, it was more about the complexity of human nature, as I knew that throwing abstract expectations to somebody you didn't understand would absolutely ridiculous, it was also absurd that contort yourself to be fitted into a particular group of people, such kind of thoughts had really influenced me; however, as a part of human nature, people could not cut all the interactions and communications with others, also being avoided by others did not sound great at all; such contradictions had made my situation far more worse than ever, after I have realized myself more clearly then ever.
After that I would talk about my concerns toward Hong Kong, the place I was used to live,as the future there could somehow affect the future of myself; personally, I could not see the future of Hong Kong in a clear way, as there were so many unfavorable factors, Hong Kong had been depended too much on financial industry with its own characteristics(or limitations), and other types of business were not encouraged at all, which was all because the foolish governments and the corporations which monopolized almost everything in Hong Kong; under their destruction, Hong Kong had lost it competitiveness and characteristics significantly, like the unique buildings were removed and became the shopping malls in everywhere, the failure of educational system had also created a lot of nerds who only knew studying and nothing else, and the ignorant kids which understood nothing at all.
China was another, probably the most influential factor for the development of Hong Kong, which inevitably raise my awareness more than ever; Obviously China had become much more powerful than ever, but only economically, not for the human rights, as the party didn't respect the human rights at all, they had eventually arrested the editor who investigated the poor infrastructure in Sichuan earthquake, they have also arrested the representative of casualties, with the lame excuse of disrupting social order, what they have done had no difference what happened 20-40 years ago. and I have concerned most was that Hong Kong would eventually became the same, which seems to be inevitable with the pricks in government and the "who-fkin-cares" citizens, which have never realized that what they have enjoyed now was precious and fragile.
Perhaps one of my weaknesses was thinking and concern so much about unnecessary issues, it was because my failure of 2008 had forced me to concern more deeply and broadly, mistakes were allowed, but repeating them was not. I must know to assume the situation and outcome calmly in order to be survived in the world. and also it was a bad faith for denying what you have chose, which was totally irresponsible and unacceptable for me.
To Someone around, saw you in the end tonight, wish you all the best with my deepest sincerity, as I didn't think that I would have time to see you again later, even I do, I could not stand in front of you t all, you were too great for me to do such thing, or even more. |
| | Posted 4/5/2009 2:06 AM - 52 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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